Only a Real Meanie Would Boycott the Girl Scouts
 
One buying season out of the way, and here comes another. It’s Girl Scout cookie time! I was worried the last thing a bloated America needed was an onslaught of be-greened cookie peddlers. But when I heard about the newly-baked 2007 cookie, I got pretty excited. For $3.50 a box, Girls Scouts have introduced a new breed of cookie. It’s All-Natural and boasts as many vitamins and minerals as your favorite breakfast cereal, plus it has Omega-3 for your heart, green tea to antioxidize you, EGCG to pump up your metabolism, oat bran to keep you moving and none of those pesky ingredients like preservatives, sugar or trans-fat. The cookie does have partially-hydrogenated oil, but since it’s less than half a gram per serving, the FDA says you’re free and clear. Who eats more than a sleeve of Girl Scout cookies at one sitting anyhow? This wonder cookie is called the La-dee-da. The name harkens back to the halcyon days before nutrition was sprayed on after-the-fact and the precious cookie pushers weren’t fat. Not to pick on Girl Scouts—about 30% of their friends are fat too.
 
Would it be so bad to boycott the Girl Scouts? It sounds mean. And it is, 2.8 million Girl Scouts and their million adult volunteers tally up to $700 million annually selling cookies. Where else are they gonna make that kinda dough? And there’s the patch…
 
90 years ago the idea of selling cookies for cash was quaint. But for Generation-O, as in OMG-u-r-so-Obese, is it possible that kiddies as purveyors of junk food is a good idea? Each serving of Girl Scouts cookies (2-5 cookies) packs 150 calories and a whopping 6-10 grams of fat. Hopefully the Girl Scouts have an exit strategy. Boy Scouts sell popcorn—more junk food. Porn is profitable, but the wrong direction. And $700 million in car washes is a stretch.
 
In their defense, the Girl Scouts say it’s for a good cause. According to their mission, “Girl Scouting builds girls of courage, confidence, and character, who make the world a better place. The activity of selling cookies is directly related to our purpose of helping all girls realize their full potential and become strong, confident, and resourceful citizens.”
 
I’ve always cringed at young females identifying themselves with baked goods. And I’m not convinced more cookies makes the world a better place. But ya know, if you consider the La-dee-da as a food replacement substance rather than an indulgent treat, we could be on to something. It’s got just about everything in it—a dash of dried kale—and I think we’re there.
 
 
Monday, February 19, 2007
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- MeMe Roth